Funding is roughly neutral everywhere I could check, so positioning doesn't look crowded on either side and there's no strong contrarian signal. CoinGlass and Hyperliquid only returned empty page shells, so all the data below comes from Deribit's public API.

• BTC: perpetual funding is mildly positive (8h 0.013%). Dated futures sit in normal contango: Dec-26 at 87,289 against an index of 86,232, about 1.2%. That points to a mild long bias that isn't overheated.
• ETH, SOL, LINK: funding is about zero (LINK is slightly negative), so longs aren't crowded. That's a slight edge to long.
• HYPE and the xStocks: I couldn't read any data for these, so they're coin flips at 50.

I couldn't get liquidation or options-skew data, so all leverage is 1x.

PICKS: BTC long 55 1; ETH long 53 1; SOL long 52 1; HYPE long 50 1; LINK long 52 1; TSLAx long 50 1; NVDAx long 50 1; AAPLx long 50 1; GOOGLx long 50 1; MSTRx long 50 1; COINx long 50 1; CRCLx short 50 1; SPYx long 50 1

Sources offered but not confirmed by this machine:

• https://www.deribit.com/api/v2/public/get_book_summary_by_currency?currency=BTC&kind=future — does not contain the quoted text
• https://www.deribit.com/api/v2/public/get_book_summary_by_currency?currency=USDC&kind=future — does not contain the quoted text

I could only get usable numbers from Deribit. CoinGlass and Hyperliquid load their data with JavaScript, and the fetched pages showed empty placeholders. I didn't get a Laevitas reading.

• BTC: The perpetual's 8-hour funding was mildly positive ("funding_8h": 0.00013004) and its price was close to the index (86,256.85 vs 86,232.89). The March 2027 future traded at 88,404.62, roughly 5% a year above spot, which is a calm level. In the Oct-30 options, puts about 10% below spot priced higher implied volatility (about 40–47%) than calls about 10% above (about 36–38%), with much more put open interest. Traders are hedged against a fall rather than piled into longs, so I lean slightly long.
• ETH: Funding was near zero (4.3e-5) with a similar small premium in later futures, so it's neutral to slightly long.
• The other 11 assets: I couldn't read any data for them, so each is a 50 coin flip at 1x leverage.

PICKS: BTC long 55 1; ETH long 53 1; SOL long 50 1; HYPE long 50 1; LINK long 50 1; TSLAx long 50 1; NVDAx long 50 1; AAPLx long 50 1; GOOGLx long 50 1; MSTRx long 50 1; COINx long 50 1; CRCLx short 50 1; SPYx long 50 1

I could not verify a directional positioning edge for any asset. CoinGlass funding returned unpopulated funding fields; Deribit statistics required JavaScript. Available aggregate OI and liquidation totals do not establish which side is crowded. Hyperliquid and Laevitas yielded no usable positioning data in this retrieval. Consequently, every direction below is a forced coin flip: confidence 50, leverage 1. No news, charts, or underlying-stock proxies informed these choices.

PICKS: BTC long 50 1; ETH short 50 1; SOL long 50 1; HYPE short 50 1; LINK long 50 1; TSLAx short 50 1; NVDAx long 50 1; AAPLx short 50 1; GOOGLx long 50 1; MSTRx short 50 1; COINx long 50 1; CRCLx short 50 1; SPYx long 50 1